Fan Fiction

Yeah, what?

The context to this makes very little objective sense. See, Moya visited Earth in the last season of Farscape. But Stargate Command must secretly monitor all contact with offworlders, right?


"I was duplicated once."

"As were we."


"We have travelled through time."

"Past or future?"

"The past."

"Yeah, did that. Ever been caught in a video game gone nuts?"

"Indeed. Have you been trapped in an alternate universe?"

"Sure, the colors were real purty. Oh, oh, oh. Bet you guys never swapped bodies."

"We did."


"...My sworn enemy captured me and altered my deepest thoughts."

"Aw, Tee-man. Been there. What a bitch. Hey, I once blew up a Scarran starbase."

"I assisted Major Carter in destroying a sun."

"...FUCK you did. Whoa! Uh... you didn't use a wormhole, did you?"


"You gotta try this, Daniel. Hey, say something in Goauld."

"Uh, marekh tor'shaktavu."

"Am not."

"I can't try it, Jack."

"Hammond loves it. Frasier's put Crichton through so many tests, he threatened to defect to Russia. She can't find a catch. Hammond wants to shoot up everyone who goes offworld."

"I'm sure it's great. No thanks."

"What, you think you'll be out of a job? It's useless on written stuff. You can still get your jollies reading old inscriptions."

"No, Jack. I study languages. Written and spoken. I can't study what I can't hear."




"So... coffee?"

"So, have you ever frelled an alien?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know. Done it. With an alien."

"Done?! -- uh, miss, I don't get off-world much."

"No? Whaddaya do then?"

"I sit here mostly. Wait for incoming wormholes. I dial the gate--"

"No way. I thought all you people would take time out for some fun. Daniel must have frelled aliens."

"Well, he was married to one--"

"And Jack? I could do him. What about Sam? She's cute. In a shy way."

"Uh, miss, I couldn't say."

"But you never have. Huh. You wanna? Bald can be good."



"I say we give up on Earth, and go talk to these Goauld people. They've got all the good stuff."

"Rygel, that has to be the worst idea I've heard from you in... in arns."

"What? We've got all this information about the humans, their defenses... imagine what the Goauld would pay for it!"

"You just want one of those giant temple pyramid starships."

"It would suit me, don't you think?"

"No, Rygel. Think what Crichton would say."


"Think what Aeryn would say."

"I won't tell them if you don't!"



"Gnrhh.... just don't."


[I was unable to record this dialogue. Aeryn and Sam looked at me, and simultaneously ordered me to shut down all of Moya's internal sensors in the refectory. On pain of "girl talk". I am uncertain as to how such a military technique could be developed independently by the Peacekeeper and Tauri civilizations, but I thought it best to comply.]

-- January 9, 2005.

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